ok so this ones a little self indulgent. oh well.

its the way the light blares through the screen

dead electronics

blue lights ever green

the way the rhyme destructs

a heat, between you and me

make it feel ever timeless

make it feel like a dream

when the truth is unfolded

i lack whats discreet

take it now as you will

things run clear, summer streams

i took off my clothes on some summer nights

it was for the swim.

! fuck the naked.

fuck the moonlight!

what sister is passion

when passion is born

from a womb thats wounded

shame unworn

ive been told that the brighter girls read all the russians

old novels break towers post teens dedicate fucks to

i dream of dead authors

their kisses are dull

theyve got too much liquor

backs straight as their tongues

i wonder how you fill a house with love

from basement rafters to backyards

(she found him all hung up

you see and

indecent screaming followed

but it bounced off weak white walls

so she pounded on the counters)

from the foundation of a well built home

to the grass that grows outside

found in patches so imperfect

your intentional design

paying repects

"does she get around?"

i said "yes"

but shouldve said "when she wants to"

because with the word out of my mouth

came the green wave

and i was a snake

and a moment later came the day dream believing 

in an equal halved world

now i owe her an apology

you see

i look at her with jealousy

and wonder what its like

for a girl like that

equipped to stand alone

respect respect the woman with a hard enough heart to have sex like a man.

she

wonders what alone is
worries constantly that her friends are sad
is failing at breaking even
promises the world to everyone
and cant usually deliver
but
is generally happy

let me tell you about the civil war

im worried that ive been too in control.

im not afraid of dirty houses and

im not afraid of morning drinking.

no i wont hesitate to tell you exactly what it is

because i can see it clearly

1861

one inch away from savagery

a crooked step towards chivalry

in the deep cold waters

we wash the bodies clean and

drag them up onto the ferry

i wait with old women on front porches

wrinkled hands, stitched confederate flags

watching for soldiers returning to the fold

knowing strong men have the most to loose

we will always bow our heads

yes yes

by the sunrise drunken girls will always stumble home

seeking silence from the spirit spitting words

wishing for stillness in the summer heat

to feel complete- completely in the quiet

ive been pushing away all the important thoughts

tangled in

misread opening statements

ive quit interpretting body language

because what we do is not what we feel

everyones storys so overwhelming 

insecurities run wild in a moment

back beats carry me from one unhappy thought

to the next 

without an ending

ive been chasing serenity

seducing silence

unsuccessfully. 

superficial endings

"I'm broke and I'm hungry." He started. 

"I'll get you something. Just sit there a minute I'll be right back."  

But he stood up and followed her into the kitchen.

"Do you know what it's like to live out of your car?"

"No. I can imagine that it sucks though."  She was rifling through the cupboards. 

"I wake up ten times a night feeling like someone's going to jump me."

She gave him the most sympathetic look she could.

"It's freezing at night and in the mornings it gets so hot in there so fast."

"I'm sorry."

He looked at the ground.

"I wish I could help." She offered.

He looked at her as if she could.

"What can I do?"

"You just don't understand."

"I'm sorry."

He walked out of the kitchen.

She finished making him a sandwich and took it into the living room. 

"Thanks." He started eating.

"No problem."  She watched him.

And then it stayed quiet for a minute till he raised his eyes to hers.

"I'll never be happy." He said.

"I'm starting to believe you." It was the truth.

His face turned red and in one quick motion he had knocked the empty plate off the table and was standing.

She let him walk out the door and didn't even mind when he slammed it.

But she was so so sad to see him leave.

for Blaise Bartu

While it was raining

I told you

that i must taste like salt

and if you mind it

i can step outside

to come back wet

and return to bed

curling into a cocoon

and feeling the sheets stick

to the slick slick coolness

of my summer morning skin

————

when it stopped raining

you told me

you were moving back west

needing to be somewhere open

you mumbled something

about stinking humidity

I didnt mind missing the words

as I watched you

looking in the mirror

running a hand through your hair

clearly hating the way it curled 

god knows

id glue our cheeks together if youd let me!
but i know youd never let me
(the girls all have nice smiles
and nicer things than that too)
the boys well they all conquest

oh how you must miss out
on the glorious high fives

i surrender

the sword is master