My ghost

when im sitting outside Verder I stair at the parking lot and feel pretty ordinary. im so thankful he's not here. am I thankful? i always miss him but never want him. 

i stop for my cigarette outside the business building each day before class and i remember his smile. twisted with a coke smoke. he's always with me then and ive become used to it.
a mourning. a ritual I face. sitting under the same tree that he used to sit under.
somehow he's not there when im surrounded by those i care about. he's only behind the faces i barely know. people from my past I can't connect with anymore. ahh friends out of curteousy.
he's scaling the building downtown as i sit on the sidewalk smoking again and wondering why i never follow him up there. i guess i dont have the guts.